Keeler: Farewell Ember, the Karl Dorrell of Ralphies. Unlike Coach Prime, showbiz was never your thing

BOULDER She was the Karl Dorrell of all Ralphies Poor Ember bless her heart had to be coaxed out of the trailer She had to be coaxed to a trot She had to be coaxed to the -yard line She had to be coaxed to the turn At the Alamo Bowl in what became her emblematic farewell the poor girl s pregame run was as disheartening as the event itself the perfect omen for an awful evening Definitely it wasn t a run so much as a tepid jog At times Ralphie VI which was Ember s stage name resembled a puppy being dragged toward the bathtub The CU football crew to the chagrin of the thousands of Buffs fans on hand in San Antonio eventually followed her lead rolling over to let BYU tickle their collective bellies The university did the inevitable and the merciful on Tuesday by putting Ralphie VI s halter out to pasture A news release with a tongue planted firmly in its digital cheek cited she was retiring after four seasons and games Due to an indifference to running typical of a large number of mammals both four-legged and two-legged the release reasoned it was determined that it was in Ember s best interest based on her disposition to focus on relaxing strolls on the pasture which is her favorite hobby A couple things Indifference to running pretty well describes Pat Shurmur s CU playbook doesn t it What the heck took so long It s been clear to everybody at Folsom Field for two years running or rather politely trotting that Ralphie VI just was not into showbiz She was a skinny waif of hope during her debut in the autumn of eyes full of wonderment But her runs made Ralphie V aka Blackout look like a jaguar closing in on prey She halted She stuttered She plodded We chuckled shrugged and figured she d grow into the gig She didn t Ember unlike Buffs Nation somehow managed to appear less enthused during the Coach Prime Era The bigger the crowds at Folsom got the brighter the lights the more her heart seemed to lose interest in playing along with CU s the majority beloved pregame spectacle Maybe it was having to share the run with Lil Wayne before the CSU championship in September Maybe it was being star-struck at the celebrities now populating to the home sideline Whatever It was time Past time certainly And whatever Ember wants Ember should get These are living creatures first and foremost not sideshow objects for your amusement Not cartoon characters or undergrads sweating buckets beneath an oversized mascot head We love you Chip Don t ever change The safety of these animals should be paramount The safety of the Ralphie Handlers even more so Steering a live buffalo is like trying with only straps and sinew to direct a running Hyundai Accent with hooves and a mind of its own Related Articles Keeler Travis Hunter left CU Buffs Deion Sanders four very big shoes to fill Who s next Renck vs Keeler Did Broncos give up on Devaughn Vele too soon Keeler Avalanche-DU Pios alumni meeting MVP Not Peter Forsberg Not Joe Sakic It was Denver hockey moms Keeler Deion Sanders CU Buffs are bigger than ever But are they better Georgia Tech will tell us plenty Grading The Week Rockies fans should root for MLB realignment kiss Dodgers Giants Padres goodbye That declared someone at CU athletics supposedly requirements to do a once-over on the ol Ralphie succession plan The hope all summer was that Ralphie VII who has been identified and is being trained would be ready for Friday s opener She isn t And we ve already gone through at least one semi-interested live mascot Lest we forget Ralphie V retired early too skipping the last three home dates of the regular season The Buffs ran out onto the field without a Ralphie during the pandemic season of You don t know what you ve got til it s gone Although with Ralphie VI in hindsight we knew right away Those buffalo scouts can project out a prospective runner s speed strength girth agility They can t project want-to And if Deion Sanders Buffs are as indifferent to running as she was against Georgia Tech on Friday night they re in serious trouble Want more sports news Sign up for the Sports Omelette to get all our analysis on Denver s teams