Asking Eric: Wheelchair user gets no sympathy from caregiver

Dear Eric I am and physically disabled I need a powered wheelchair to get around both outside and inside my apartment In recent times my tires were popped by particular broken glass from a bottle thrown out of a passing car onto the sidewalk It has been a week since I have been able to use my wheelchair and I have another days before my new tires arrive I don t think it s unreasonable to be infuriated that someone s litter caused me to spend on replacement tires My caregiver disagrees He says that it s my fault for continuing and not turning around He also noted that I am overreacting when the the majority I have done is complain a little bit for maybe an hour total and make a joking whoever threw the bottle on the sidewalk owes me comment once Am I being too sensitive about this I think being upset about having to spend that I don t have to replace something necessary for my continued function in and outside of my apartment due to litter is understandable but I would like to ask for your thoughts on the matter to be sure Tire d Dear Tire d Let me get this straight Your caregiver who understands the challenges you face navigating a world that is often not accommodating thinks that you don t have the right to be peeved about this Litter particularly broken glass is a dilemma for everyone and any one of us could and should be upset about having to handle a sidewalk strewn with jagged pieces even if it didn t cost us or a temporary restriction in mobility What happened wasn t fair and it had a greater impact on you than it would on someone who could just step to the side or crunch the glass under a boot Your caregiver requirements to acknowledge that selected things in the world affect you differently This is what empathy is One doesn t need firsthand experience to be empathetic but in this circumstance he has to be able to see how hard this one battle has made your life I hope that this is an isolated circumstance in your relationship and he s able to be supportive in other strategies Because care is about more than physical assistance It s also about being willing to say I see you I hear you What you re feeling is valid Dear Eric I am the youngest of three sons and both of my brothers passed away suddenly with the latest one just three years ago Now I find myself thrust into the role of executor for my parents who are both about to turn I have conducted essential research on what is needed to be in place both legally and financially and have consulted with friends who also have aging parents However my parents don t want to talk about these issues and I am really in the dark on what they have in place My father handled majority of the issues but now suffers from dementia so there are a lot of unknowns In recent times I sent them a list of items we should look into power of attorney living will strength care proxy etc My mother is overwhelmed with taking care of my father so I have offered to speak directly with their lawyer and financial planner to lessen her burden but while they initially seemed receptive there has been little movement on these tasks I don t want to pressure them but I am really anxious about this and want to deal with these central decisions while they are still in good fitness Treading Lightly Dear Treading I m sorry for the losses you ve experienced and for the complication of this grief-laden moment Planning for later life with parents is rarely easy but you ve taken excellent proactive efforts Related Articles Asking Eric Relatives leave gifts but don t come inside to visit Asking Eric New friend s cooking turns the stomach Asking Eric Adult children object to parents burial plans Asking Eric Minimalist daughter doesn t want any family heirlooms Asking Eric After ugly comments brother invites himself to party To help lessen the overwhelm you and your parents are feeling tackle one small task at a time I d suggest you start with power of attorney As you may already be aware it can be a relatively simple process for which you can tackle the majority of the paperwork With their blessing and their signatures you ll then be allowed to talk to their lawyer and financial planner and this will give you a clearer picture of what they ve already put into place Be clear with them about the concerns you have the questions you need answered and the guidance you re seeking They can help you think through next initiatives for your parents and hopefully also take selected things off of your plate You don t have to take care of everything and you don t have to do everything right now It s not going to be perfect nothing ever is Don t listen to any internal voice that says if you miss a to-do item you re failing your parents or creating a issue for yourself Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com