Asking Eric: Nephew’s ‘save the date’ came after vacation was paid for

Dear Eric Several months ago a group of friends and I planned a vacation trip for this coming fall We pre-paid the hotel costs all-inclusive fees and paid for round-trip airline tickets A limited weeks ago I received a save the date postcard from my nephew and his fianc e The wedding will be held in a state fairly distant from where I live and is planned on dates right in the middle of my vacation While it would be wonderful to be with my sister his mother and her family for the wedding I am conflicted about canceling my vacation plans especially since bulk everything is paid for I have spoken to my sister and she did not express any anger or resentment about continuing with my plans I have not spoken to my nephew yet I don t believe my other siblings plan to attend either We are all in our s and s I have invariably been close to my sister and her family and tried to be present when I can for crucial events like graduations So I feel particularly conflicted about not attending How should I think about this and figure out a plan to move forward Vacationing Aunt Dear Aunt The purpose of a Save the Date is to get on the calendar early enough to avoid these kinds of things and through no one s fault that didn t happen this time So I think everyone will understand that your attendance just isn t accomplishable without the loss of a considerable amount of money However their understanding doesn t necessarily solve the deeper issue you want to be there and it hurts not to be able to It sounds like the conflict is about not having a good choice So a path forward is to create another option What are other tactics that you can celebrate your nephew and show your love and endorsement before or after the wedding Perhaps there s a bridal shower you can attend or perhaps you can plan a special visit later once the dust settles Talking with your nephew will not only ease your mind but will also help you both to think creatively about how to maintain the connection Dear Eric In response to Grateful Son who is concerned about his parents anxiety My parents developed anxiety as they became older and like Grateful Son s their anxiety increased with age Their anxiety was formidable Majority troubling to me was that I looked at my parents and became concerned that I was seeing my future Whether through nature or nurture I became concerned that I likely received a full dose of their anxiety for my future life My advice to Grateful Son is that there may be little that you can do for your parents future but there is much that you can do for your future I visited my physician explained my concerns and started a very low dose of a very mild anti-anxiety medication The first medication that we tried was far too strong but we revealed something that seems to be working I do not want to develop the same anxiety Grateful Son s parents may have shown a glimpse of his future and given him the time to create a better future Another Grateful Son Dear Grateful One of the multiple gifts of being connected to older relatives is the knowledge of how genetic predisposition can shape our lives It gives us empathy for the older adults and can help us think creatively about remedies or adjustments they re not seeing It can also help us make informed choices for ourselves Related Articles Asking Eric Yoga trainer picks on longtime attendee Asking Eric Husband s emotional affair upends relationship Asking Eric Wife continually interrupts husband Asking Eric Stepson has plans for widowed stepmother s next chapter Asking Eric Husband accuses good Samaritan of bad intentions Dear Eric I just read your column about the new neighbor with a rooster that wakes the letter writer up at a m I required to mention that the first thing I would recommend is for them to check their local ordinances In multiple areas backyard chickens are not allowed In selected areas chickens may be allowed but not roosters Is their area even zoned to allow them If not they could maybe make an anonymous complaint and the new neighbor would have to rehome the birds and their obstacle would be solved I do like your other suggestions about what to do but another one would be to get a sleep machine that would help drown out the early morning crowing and hopefully allow them to get particular sleep Quiet Dear Quiet Great suggestions thank you Noise ordinances exist for a reason Getting help from local administration is a great option if conversation with the new neighbor doesn t prove fruitful Additionally a rooster isn t necessary for hens to lay eggs so depending on what the neighbor s objectives are the rooster may be happier and healthier rehomed in a place with more space Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com